Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Feeling a little overwhelmed

So I thought I was okay with last cycle's BFN.  Then last night, Mr. MBC and I had a little tiff, nothing major and over something completely ridiculous.  After the silence standoff, he and I were talking and I just broke down.  I have cried for 5 days straight.  While I'm an emotional person and where my heart on my sleeve, I'm not a crybaby!

Somethings that came out of mine and Mr. MBC's talk....

  • I've realized that I've been oblivious to the let-down he feels as each month passes.  I guess since I talk about it, blog about it, and think about it all.the.time., I forgot that he doesn't have a child on the way either.
  • Also, I realized that IF is a "personal" matter to Mr. MBC.  My real life friend, K, and I started our last cycle within 3 days of each other and did the same protocol.  She and I would text several times a day about stuff.  Mr. MBC is not a fan of texting, so I just thought that was where his frustration came from.  Not from the fact that I was discussing our "personal" issues with someone else.
  • Mr. MBC pointed out to me that I no longer say "When we have a kid..." but rather I've started saying "If we have a kid....".  He thinks that this battle has turned me into a different person.  I'm typically very optimistic and look at the best case scenario.  While I feel like that's who I am still, I don't approach IF with that same attitude.  I honestly feel defeated.  And I don't know how to get over that feeling.
  • We discussed IVF and decided that we would figure out a way to make the financial side of it work if our journey comes to that. 
I'm looking forward to my baseline appointment tomorrow.  I have quite the list of questions to ask my nurse since she and I have been playing phone tag for the past 2 days.  I give up and well just take time in the morning to talk things through with her.

1 comment:

  1. Just found your blog. I'm right there with you on this cycle. My first IUI was August 1 and it failed. I was OK with my BFN the first day then got a little sadder, and a little sadder... My ""Mr" is also highly sensitive to me discussing this with the world. Keeping my fingers crossed for you for IUI #2


Have you seen my baby carriage?