Irrational Thoughts....

Do I over-analyze everything? YES.

Do I make simple things complicated? At times.

Do I consult Dr. Google too often?  YES.

I realize that I obsess over pregnancy-related things that I have no control over.  I worry about the boys coming too early.  I worry about NICU time.  I worry about a lot of stuff. 

That being said...I'm questioning my decision to not consult with a MFM when Mr. MBC and I found out we were having twins.  I spoke with my OB about it and he assured me that he would send me over if any red flags were to arise during the pregnancy.  I even spoke to a real life friend of mine that is a NICU case manager at the largest hospital in the city.  She assured me that my OB was part of one of the best practices in the city.  She also reminded me that twins are not that uncommon these days.  So after talking with Mr. MBC, I decided to not freak out and trust my OB.

Don't get me wrong, my OB has been great.  The nurses are great.  I feel like I'm "that" patient and I come in with a list of questions each time I'm there. 

Why the worry?  In terms of a twin pregnancy, everything seems normal.  Just as it should be.  But I know that things can change at a moment's notice with any pregnancy and even more with a multiples pregnancy.  I'm nearly 27 weeks pregnant with twins yet I haven't had a cervical length check.  My OB says he doesn't do them this early unless there are "problems".  While this may not seem like a big deal (and YES I'm grateful that I haven't had any problems), I still  have this voice in the back of my head that makes me question everything.

Where does this voice come from?  Is it from the trouble that Mr. MBC and I experience when TTC?  Is it because I've read too many stories online about multiples being born way too early?  Is it because in the past 3 days I've had:

• Two fellow May Mommas deliver their twins at 28 weeks and the babies are in NICU fighting for their life.
• Another admitted to L&D because her cervix has shortened so much in one week.  She was having contractions 90 seconds apart and didn't even feel them!
• A dear friend that delivered her twins at 18 weeks and they are now angels.

I don't know.  When I hear/read about stories like this, I let the bad thoughts take over. I know that a shortened cervix is not contagious.  However, I still worry.  The worry is constantly there, but when things like this happen it brings all of my fears to the forefront.

I need to remind myself of all the pregnancy-related positives:

• Today I am pregnant with two healthy little boys.
• I love the feeling of them kicking me from the inside.
• I've made it past V Day, so everything from this point forward is just time for the boys to grow and develop.
• I haven't had any problems or complications that should make me fear all of the what-ifs.
• Each day that passes brings me one day closer to meeting my sweet boys.